Vol. 7, Issue 3, October 13, 2009
Dr. Watson Cures All.
DeadBrain UK

Questions Arise About White House Dog's Tax Filings

In what some are calling a transparent bid to draw attention away from the healthcare reform debate, Republican leaders have raised concerns about the tax filings of yet another White House appointee, Bo the Portugese water dog.

"It is disappointing to see such persistent lapses in judgment on the part of the Obama administration," said House Republican leader John Boehner. "Our analyses have suggested that Bo may not have filed his taxes at all last year. It remains to be seen what other financial improprieties he's attempted to bury in the backyard."

In November 2008, Obama announced that he and his wife, Michelle, would obtain a puppy, obstensibly for their daughters. The announcement was largely written off at the time as another in a long list of campaign promises, ranked somewhere between the "chicken in every pot" and "enhanced rainbow production." However, the fact that the Obamas followed through on this promise has hardly assuaged their critics.

"Many are actually alarmed at the alacrity with which Obama has moved to fulfill various campaign promises," said Jeffrey Goldberg of the Cato Institute. "Nobody expects people to follow through on those pledges. They're sort of like election-season poetry; candidates get points for using the right tropes and maybe making it rhyme, but that's as far as it goes. Actually having a dog in the White House, and not even an American dog at that, is deeply disturbing. What other promises will Obama actually fulfill? Is he serious about that whole healthcare reform thing? Good Lord."

The post of White House dog is a coveted position, once ceremonial but increasingly vital to domestic policy since Lyndon B. Johnson appointed his dog Yuki to the Department of the Interior in 1967. Despite somewhat erratic behavior from subsequent canines, including labrador Buddy's scandalous ties to a fraudulent AKC offshore diploma mill, the position remains a key cabinet appointment.

"We know nothing about this Bo, other than the fact that he has ties to the Kennedys," persisted Boehner. "And where is Portugal anyway?"

Fox News held a special program with experts who speculated that Portugal might be a province of Afghanistan, or possibly the Kashmir region of Pakistan.

"It does make you wonder why they chose such a freak of nature - a dog that breathes water isn't natural," added Boehner. When informed that Portuguese water dogs are not, in fact, amphibious, his suspicions were heightened even further.

"Between the tax problems, the foreign connections, and the whole mysterious water thing, I don't see how the Senate can look at healthcare with such an individual at large in the White House," said Republican Senator John Cornyn. "At least you can bet we'll do all we can to keep the White House from going to the dogs."

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