Volume 6, Issue 7, May 13, 2008

Associated Press Article Recipe Stolen, Recovered "Our articles are precisely formulated with a secret blend of facts and spices," said AP spokesman Barbara Smialski. "The careful tone and informational content of our articles is a proprietary secret and we are dismayed that some of our employees should stoop to reveal this information to a competing service." Despite attempts to come up with alternative recipes, such as the 'heartland' recipes on CNN ("lots of salt and starch but very little pepper," noted Greene), the 'down-home recipes' of local news outlets ("plenty of stale ingredients that don't always go together") and even the 'energy drink' variant on Fox News ("lots of caffeinated activity and empty factoid calories," said Greene), the AP remains the mainstay of most people's news consumption. PAGE ONE

Google Sells Iceland, Trades Up to E.U. "A lot has changed since 2003," said Google co-founder Sergey Brin. "In 2003, it made sense for us to acquire Iceland. But our needs as a company have grown, and there is less use for a forbidding Googleplex of Doom situated on a volcanic island in today's geopolitical climate." PAGE TWO

GlaxoSmithKline Patch Approved for ChapStick Addiction "All these American soldiers, all these doughboys who had put their lives on the line, gone to hell and back - they didn't leave the ChapStick on the battlefield when they returned," said Bernard Stancke, a pharmacologist at the University of Pennsylvania. "They couldn't. Like the Army's liberal use of morphine when it was discovered during the Civil War, the ChapStick program led to the unintentional addiction of millions." PAGE THREE

From the Desk of Ezekiel Franklin Watley, Esq., Founder and Editor A Rare Occasion Like most families in this sprawling land of semi-Nomads, the Watley clan is spread far and Wide, an even distribution of our Remarkable bloodline. Rarely do we Gather but for weddings and Funerals, and as time passes there seem to be more of the Latter than the Former, most unfortunately. It was thus with great Pleasure that I found us once more brought Together for the Happier sort of occasion, the wedding of my doughty and indefatigable Secretary, Elisabeth, who happens to be a second Cousin of mine, once Removed. Her suitor, having plied her with flowers for some five Years, had Finally won her hand in Marriage. (I do hope he eventually began growing them Himself, else the bills would have become somewhat Exorbitant over time.) Editorial Special Feature: Watley Speaks! In a Stunning First for our humble webamagraph pages, you can now Hear my voice in this Ground-Breaking interview at the Fancy Dress Albert Club show on Leisure Talk Radio. It is a good Half-Hour of Rambling Anecdotes about my Family History, Ephram's misadventures, and More. Get the Watley Interview! (May 30, 2007) - The Fourth Annual First Limerick Competition Results are now available! Click here to learn who took the Prize, and read some of the least objectionable Entries! (May 15, 2007) - The Fourth Annual First Limerick Competition is now officially underway! Click here for details on how to get your own Poetry published in The Watley Review, and win a Whisky Mug besides! (April 3, 2007) - Imitation is the Best Form of Flattery, and one supposes that Re-Mixing must fall in this category. Estimable British purveyor of astounding Truths Doc Sleaze has turned one of our recent Articles into a thoroughly Modern Hip-Hop Remix. Who would have Thought that our dusty brand of Journalism should lend itself so well to Modern Culture?