Vol. 8, Issue 5, May 18, 2010
Dr. Watson Cures All.
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Saved From a Rainy Day

Ezekiel F. Watley, Esq.

Like Most regions in the United States, we are periodically graced with a bit of Precipitation, which generations of Sailing Blood never fail to Apprise me of. 'Red sky in Morning, sailor's Warning!' is a tried-and-true Maxim to live by; and if crimson Overtones greet your day, one can always be Scientific about the thing and check the Barometer (of which I have five; one can Never keep too close an eye on Barometric Pressure!) Regardless, while one might not wish to be caught amidst a Downpour - unlike most Londoners, we Americans are rarely with umbrella to Hand - there are Few pleasures better than that of Working in a warm, dry Office with a crackling Fire while rain courses down over the mullioned Windows.

However, it is distinctly Less pleasurable when there is a Leak in the roof: to wit, the tranquility of my morning Correspondence was Not enhanced by the steady drip over the Carpet. Fortunately, my office has no Shortage of receptacles. Quick then: the Wastebasket is hastily emptied into the Fire and repurposed as an impromptu Rain-barrel. There! I am now free to resume my morning Tasks...

Except that now it appears to be Leaking atop my Desk. Most unsatisfactory! (Though fortunately, the offending Drops miss my glass of Balvenie: that was a Close one!) Well, there is always the cloisonné Vase. Out with the flowers then, into the Fireplace as before - ah: it appears that there was still some Water in there with the Flowers. This means that, regrettably, my office has gone from 'Cozy room with cheerfully crackling Fire' to 'Smoky room with accidentally Extinguished fire.' No matter, for the Vase is now prepared for Use and I can manage without Fire for one morning. A Watley is Resourceful, after all!

...Except that now it appears that it is Also leaking above a pile of rather valuable Manuscripts. No time to Hesitate! I duly sacrifice my Third-best silk Hat for the cause, preserving these parchments for another Day.

Zounds! Now it leaks upon the Clock!...

To make a long story Short, I very Quickly ran out of Hats, tea-kettles, and other Receptacles to protect the less Waterproof Clutter of my office. (It is fortunate that so Much of my memorabilia is Nautical in nature!) I also learned Exactly how my ne'er-do-well Nephew managed to stock his suspiciously Successful roof-shingle shop last week. But there is a Solution at hand: with an Armful of umbrellas to hand, and some Exceedingly Stern Words for my sheepish staff, I dispatch the lot to stand on the Roof and hold aloft the Umbrellas, keeping the roof dry for the Day.

The solution, fortunately, is a Success: despite Driving rain, veritable Sheets and Torrents, the efforts of my rooftop Staff are effective in stanching the endless Rivulets plaguing my Office. But the day now is nearly Gone - really, it is too late for morning Correspondence; and without a Fire, there is not much point in sitting Fireside to ponder Editorials past, present, and Future.

Well, I would not wish for my staff to feel their efforts were Wasted. Time for a glass or three of the Balvenie before retrieving them from the Roof. After all, it would be a Shame to waste a contemplatively rainy Day, watching water course down over the mullioned Windows while I sip my Scotch.


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