Vol. 6, Issue 6, April 29, 2008
Bush Ponders Four More Years
President Bush has apparently begun asking why he can't stay for a third term, throwing yet another monkey wrench into an already contentious election season.
"The thing is, all my stuff is here, and I just got a new barbeque grill put in out there next to the Rose Garden," said Bush. "Seems a shame not to use it more than a couple months. Besides, there are some things I'd like to see through, and I think the American people deserve to have me finish them."
The twenty-second amendment of the United States Constitution sets a term limit for the President of the United States. The United States Congress passed the amendment in 1947, following the conclusion of Franklin Delano Roosevelt's unprecedented fourth term; it was ratified by the requisite number of states in 1951.
"The thing is, I can see that people wanted to do something to prevent Roosevelt from coming back again," said Bush. "He was a Democrat after all. What's that? Oh, and dead by then too. Well, better safe than sorry. Thing is, times have changed. Me sticking around would be different. I'm no FDR, you know."
The president's offhand remarks have stirred significant alarm in many quarters, largely because the Constitution has become far more subject to interpretation under the Bush administration.
"The Constitution is very nearly MIA at this point," said Marcus Riley of the Brookings Institution. "The First, Fourth, and Fifth Amendments are rapidly becoming more like 'suggestions' than laws; the Eighth Amendment has been missing since the administration took it in for 'cleaning' and it hasn't been seen since 2002. With even the top ten on such shaky ground, the thought that an Amendment way down in the twenties would serve as an impediment to this administration is sort of risible."
Reaction has been mixed, with the Democratic candidates merely shaking their heads in tired disbelief; neither showed surprise at the announcement. But the hitherto presumptive Republican nominee, John McCain, was visibly angry at the news.
"Dammit, he's not going to do this to me!" fumed McCain. "It's not widely known, but I'm not exactly a spring chicken. I really don't want to wait another four, or eight, or however many years until he's done. And he's in pretty good shape too. I think he could outlast me, frankly."
A press conference has been planned in a couple of weeks, when the president is expected to formally announce his intentions to remain in office. Coincidentally, the conference is scheduled for the day when the first wave of economic stimulus checks is scheduled to reach mailboxes around the nation.
"I know what I believe, and I will continue to articulate what I believe," said Bush. "And what I believe is that I want a chance to really break in that barbeque."