Vol. 3, Issue 19, August 2, 2005
Fizzy Tea Hits the Spot
The Apesheet

Bush Realizes How Easy it is to Govern With Congress in Recess

Buoyed by the ease of appointing John Bolton as ambassador to the United Nations while the Senate was in recess, President Bush announced that he henceforth intends to do all his governing during recess.

"Ever since I was in school, recess has been my favorite time of all," joked Bush. "Without those Senators wasting time, this appointment was as easy as falling off a log. I've not only sent a great ambassador to the United Nations, but I've saved our taxpayers millions."

Bolton was facing scrutiny in the Senate after former colleagues testified during his confirmation hearings that he sometimes belittled them and ignored their advice on the use of intelligence.

"Recess appointments are a fact of life in Washington; most recent presidents have made them," said political analyst Paul Svensen. "But no one has made an appointment as important as this one. I think that this president is bringing recess governance to a whole new level."

Following Bolton's appointment, Bush signed an executive order extending Congress' recess to October. He also appointed six hundred and fifty-nine federal judges, ambassadors to thirty-eight countries ranging from Canada to Mongolia, and a new head chef in the Capitol cafeteria, who has instituted a new all-barbeque menu where the only listed "vegetable" is macaroni and cheese.

"We're havin' fun now," he told reporters with a grin. "And we're just getting started. I'm thinking the Capitol could use a new paint job, don't you think?"

Congressional officials are reportedly furious, but the White House has apparently discontinued all congressional long-distance phone accounts, so it has been difficult to obtain comment directly from any of them.

"Needless to say I think this is going a bit far," fumed Senate Majority leader Bill Frist, who we ran into waiting for the bus as his limousine driver had apparently been fired by yet another executive order. "I can see doing this to the Democrats, but you shouldn't be pulling these shenanigans on people in your own party."

In reply the White House offered a three-word statement: "Stem cells, Bill."

Observers are wondering just how far the president will go, and what reprisals will happen when next he goes on vacation. Bush is renowned for his frequent and lengthy vacations, which have totaled a substantial portion of his presidency.

"We're all hoping he just hasn't thought that far ahead," sighed Frist. "Actually, I think the odds are pretty good for that. Then we'll see about some new legislation, mark my words. I'm thinking it's time to legislate a vegan menu in the White House."


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