Vol. 1, Issue 18, September 16, 2003
The Joy of Liquid Shrimp!
The Sleaze

Schwarzenegger Promises Quick Vote On EU Entry

The multi-million dollar actor and gubernatorial candidate attempted to revitalize a flagging campaign yesterday by promising to make membership in the European Union (EU) a top priority for his administration, if he is elected.

"Reviving California's economy is my first priority. One thing you can count on - I will not raise taxes to make up for the mistakes the politicians have made," said Schwarzenegger at a campaign stop yesterday. "I will instead form political alliances which will protect us from the depredations of federal usury."

The European Union is currently considering applications from nations which have traditionally been on the fringe of core nations such as Germany, France, and England, including former Soviet bloc countries such as Estonia.

"If Estonia can apply, so can we," said the actor. "I mean, for crying out loud, we're the sixth largest economy in the world. Surely we have more to offer than a former Soviet bloc state."

Governor Gray Davis dismissed Schwarzenegger's proposal as irrelevant to California's needs.

"I cannot see this proposal as beneficial to the state of California. For one thing, it would almost surely antagonize the federal government. For another, as a new member California would have to play second fiddle to France and Germany," said Davis. "Also, I already asked, and the EU was not very receptive to the notion of a California membership."

It is widely speculated that the ultimate goal behind Schwarzenegger's proposal is a shift to the Euro from the dollar, which might in some unspecified way help the state out of its $38 billion dollar deficit.

"Let's face it. How could a switch to the Euro make anything worse?" said University of Southern California economist Stanley Gifford.

It is unlikely that the EU would permit California to adopt the currency because California's economy does not meet the basic parameters necessary for participation in the recently adopted transnational currency. However, some observers concede that Schwarzenegger might have an easier time applying for EU membership, since he is an Austrian citizen.

"Europe would love to see the look on Bush's face," said Gifford. "That alone might be worth the price of letting California in."


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