Vol. 1, Issue 11, July 29, 2003
The Power of Lemons and Onions!

On The Building of Nations

Ezekiel F. Watley, Esq.

I am struck, in Reflecting upon America's Bicenti-dodecaseptennial Anniversary, by the fact that it occurred over three Weeks ago; and that perhaps a tad less Glenfiddich would contribute mightily to the Timeliness of future Editorials. But I am also Struck by the fact that this Celebration is in fact one of singular Nation-Building: namely, our Own, and that the Lessons from this singular experience ought not be Forgotten as a weary Populace turns its eye to struggling Mesopotamia, where American institutions labor to restore good Coffee and popular Magazines to the liberated Peoples therein.

In point of Fact, Nation-Building is deuced Difficult, and one has only to look at our own tumultuous Efforts to raise Ourselves up to the heights envisioned by our Founding Fathers to prove it. For in fact, our first Attempt to build a Great Nation was rather a Flop - the Articles of Confederation were subject of many a bawdy Joke in European Courts, let me tell you! And thus we tried Anew. May I note that the ensuing Years included Fisticuffs in the Halls of Congress, the Whisky Insurrection, and the Civil War; and not a single Electrotelegraph line for decades. Why, America did not even manage to provide functional Television Apparatuses to its people until over a hundred and sixty years after the Declaration of Independence. Zounds, one ought not be Astonished that our efforts in darkest Sumeria langush after mere Weeks.

Our other Attempt at true Nation-Building, of course, was Liberia - a Utopia where freed American slaves could live out their Lives in dignified transatlantic Segregation. As you can all see, Liberia has worked out simply Splendidly. In fact, Liberia is to this day so Grateful to our Government that it is even now inviting our Soldiery to take up residency, preferably several Thousands; and if they can stop the Looting, so much the Better! -

For success, one Needs, it is Apparent, a true tabula rasa - a blank Slate upon which to build Anew. This worked Well for Germany and Japan; but it is Nowadays somewhat less socially Acceptable to flatten entire Nations with gratuitous Atomics and such.

In brief, the Task at Hand in Mesopotamia is rather like a game of Darts: lots of Pointy things, and someone can easily get Hurt, not to mention lose a lot of Money. With a Novice letting fly his feathered Shafts willy nilly in the Pub, best step Outside for a Smoke.

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