Vol. 1, Issue 2, May 20, 2003
A Peerless Liniment Experience

J. Lo, Paramour Dine on $300,000 Sandwich

In a novel display of excess, pop diva Jennifer Lopez and fiancé Ben Affleck enjoyed a lunch yesterday that exceeded Cuba's GNP for the first fiscal quarter of 2003.

Taking a page from her role model, the ancient Egyptian queen Cleopatra, Lopez ordered a club sandwich which was accompanied by a vinaigrette whose ingredients included 48 matching natural white pearls dissolved in vinegar. The delicatessen that prepared the sandwich was somewhat surprised.

"Been a long time since someone ordered that sandwich," said Marty Goldberg, deli owner and sandwich architect. "It's not one of our big sellers, because it can cause gas and bloating. And those pearls she had mixed in didn't help any either." The pop diva had brought in the pearls herself, paying $2 extra to have them blended into a custom sauce for the lavish lunch.

Affleck initially offered a 32-inch strand of Tiffany cultivated pearls for the venture. However Lopez insisted on white natural pearls, which cost ten times as much as cultivated pearls, on general principle. Lopez apparently had the pearls on hand in her glove compartment "for just such an emergency."

The fabulous pair reportedly was unimpressed with the sandwich. "Jenny had a sudden and unforeseen nail appointment," said the affable Affleck, "so we put our lunch in the trunk of our car and microwaved it a few hours later." When asked to describe how it tasted, Affleck said, "Salty. Yeah, a little chewy too. Well, the cat liked the leftovers." It is unclear whether the duo will return to the delicatessen for further sandwiches in the future.

J. Lo could not be reached for comment, as she was attending a press conference announcing a $10,000 donation to the Boys and Girls from the Block Club.

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