Vol. 1, Issue 1, May 13, 2003
The Power of Lemons and Onions!
Humorfeed

Google Buys Iceland

Google, developer of the largest performance-based search engine, today announced that it has acquired the island nation of Iceland, deep in the middle of the northern Atlantic ocean. The purchase has business leaders around the world scratching their heads, as no one can figure out exactly why the privately-held company would spend billions to acquire a small island nation.

"Iceland is uniquely situated to greatly expand Google's presence in the northern Atlantic," said Sergey Brin, Google's co-founder and president of Technology. "This acquisition will enable Google to continue creating new technologies that make online advertising more useful to users, publishers, and advertisers alike."

Iceland is not known for the strength of its information technology sector. It is, however, a forbidding, sulfurous, isolated place which would be perfect for a secret fortress, say industry observers. Many suspect Google of seeking a sutiable location in which to build a high-technology hideaway "with dark and pointy towers," free from international law.

"I'm not saying they're like Dr. Evil or anything, but you have to wonder," said Wired magazine editor Phil LaRue. The high-tech industry has long been suspicious of Google's motives, as the company has achieved such a dominant position in the search engine business so quickly. Moreover, unlike most dot.com startups, Google remains a privately held company with a positive cash flow. "Just how does their software work? How the heck are they making money? Nobody knows," LaRue added. "Mighty suspicious, if you ask me."

According to the Google press release, the company will begin work immediately on a $15 billion headquarters in Reykjavik, Iceland's capital. Construction is scheduled to finish in early 2005, when the recently launched Google space station will also be complete and "fully operational."

Sergey Brin denied any ulterior motives behind these moves. "Are we trying to take over the world? Absolutely not. Are we looking out for Google's interests in the future? You bet," said Brin. When it was pointed out that most Silicon Valley companies possess neither island nations nor space stations, Brin responded, "At Google, we're just a bit more forward-thinking than our competitors."


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