Volume 6, Issue 6, April 29, 2008

Bush Ponders Four More Years "The thing is, all my stuff is here, and I just got a new barbeque grill put in out there next to the Rose Garden," said Bush. "Seems a shame not to use it more than a couple months. Besides, there are some things I'd like to see through, and I think the American people deserve to have me finish them." "Dammit, he's not going to do this to me!" fumed McCain. "It's not widely known, but I'm not exactly a spring chicken. I really don't want to wait another four, or eight, or however many years until he's done. And he's in pretty good shape too. I think he could outlast me, frankly." PAGE ONE

Congress Pledges $40 Billion to Research Rice Alternatives "Rice is absolutely integral to the American lifestyle, and we will not let this looming shortage impact negatively on our citizens' quality of life," said House majority leader Nancy Pelosi. "We have the knowhow to get ahead of this problem, and we intend to ensure that we are prepared when circumstances force even more serious limitations, such as restricting purchases to 40 or even 20 pounds per visit." PAGE TWO

Reporters Use "Text Speak" In Articles, OMG! "What's at stake here is the ability to express oneself in more than one register :(," said Cecile De Cat, a lecturer a lecturer in the School of Modern Languages and Cultures at the University of Leeds. "Wait a minute. Did you just write down a sad smiley face? I did not say that! >:( Cut that out!" PAGE THREE

From the Desk of Ezekiel Franklin Watley, Esq., Founder and Editor Putting On Youthful 'Airs It is often said that Youth is wasted on the Young. My dissolute nephew Ephram is surely Proof Positive of this maxim: he strives not merely to fritter away his Own years of spry Vigor, but those of everyone in the Vicinity. If he could find a way to throw those tender years out the Window I have no doubt that he would Essay it. This is, I believe, largely due to his belief that a more Mature countenance would further his various Schemes by affording him a greater degree of Trustworthiness. Editorial Special Feature: Watley Speaks! In a Stunning First for our humble webamagraph pages, you can now Hear my voice in this Ground-Breaking interview at the Fancy Dress Albert Club show on Leisure Talk Radio. It is a good Half-Hour of Rambling Anecdotes about my Family History, Ephram's misadventures, and More. Get the Watley Interview! (May 30, 2007) - The Fourth Annual First Limerick Competition Results are now available! Click here to learn who took the Prize, and read some of the least objectionable Entries! (May 15, 2007) - The Fourth Annual First Limerick Competition is now officially underway! Click here for details on how to get your own Poetry published in The Watley Review, and win a Whisky Mug besides! (April 3, 2007) - Imitation is the Best Form of Flattery, and one supposes that Re-Mixing must fall in this category. Estimable British purveyor of astounding Truths Doc Sleaze has turned one of our recent Articles into a thoroughly Modern Hip-Hop Remix. Who would have Thought that our dusty brand of Journalism should lend itself so well to Modern Culture?